I seriously considered quitting my job as a teacher. I felt like a loser and a failure. I kept asking myself if there was something I could have done differently. Could I have used a different behavior modification plan to help Rich? Could I have tolerated more, complained less, given more, or required less? But no matter how I looked at it, I knew it was true. We could not possibly compromise the safety of the other students to save one. It was a tough lesson, but one I have had to face many times throughout my 22 years of teaching.
After Rich left the classroom, school became fun again. We returned to our previous routines, dancing together in the mornings to Hap Palmer records, teaching individual self-care skills, and tallying how many cans Joe could smash in a minute. We continued our walks outdoors and even successfully made cookies in our classroom a couple of times. But then something really BIG happened! Something so big that I knew I would never give up on teaching--Darryl independently made a circle! At first I thought he just accidentally accomplished his goal, but then he was able to do it successfully 80% of the time. Oh, it was a wonderful day!
“Lona, look!” he said, pointing to his circle that finally looked like mine.
“Darryl, my friend,” I put my arm around his shoulder, “you did it!”
“Ya! Lona, look!” he pointed again.
“C’mon, buddy—let’s go show Joan!” We carried the piece of paper ceremoniously into the classroom.
“Jo, look!” Darryl said, pointing at the paper as he turned his head away.
Joan studied the paper carefully.
“Good Job, Miss Lori,” she teased.
“No Jo, me!” Darryl straightened her out.
“What? YOU made these circles Darryl?”
“Jo, look!”
There were high fives, low fives, handshakes, hugs, dancing, laughing, and more dancing. Joan put a blank sheet of paper in front of Darryl and he covered it with circles. We danced some more. It was honestly one of the happiest moments of my life.
After school, I sat at my desk, reliving the moments. I felt like a winner and a success, but I also felt ashamed.
I am so selfish. I don’t deserve to be with these wonderful people every day. Every day I go about my life with no thought for what blessings I have. I forget to be thankful for the many things I am able to do without thinking. I have joined the ranks of millions who take all of life for granted. I cry and complain when I don’t get my way. I forget to smile at others and every day the sun rises even though I don’t appreciate it. I fret over how my furniture looks or about what someone might have said to offend me. I struggle to find happiness because I don’t look right, feel right, or behave perfectly. But today, I watched a young man find supreme happiness in being able to make a circle.
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